A Christmas Horror Story Pt. 1

Starring: The Shat (William Shatner), George Buza, Rob "Ripped Abs" Archer, Zoe De Grand Maison, Alex Ozerov

Director(s): Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, Brett Sullivan

Fright Level: 2/10

Welcome back Freaks! Sorry for the delay in content, I've been away from home the past couple weeks and haven't had time to sit down and watch another Oscar winning horror flick. But, I'm back and am bringing you a little different take on the format to my blog. Give me a few sentences and we'll get on with the show.

As with every new thing there is a period of growth and discovery, especially when it comes to discovering what that thing actually is. Like a teenager being thrown to the wolves in high school, discovering identity is sometimes a painful and long process. This blog started as a serious review of horror movies, then slowly shifted to something more humorous-walking away from formal review and more towards the side of summary. Considering my interests and my audience I realized that the content was heavy on jokes, but light on insightful content. Sure, I'd poke holes in the film's plot and question character's' motives, but as for the meaning behind certain camera shots, archetypes, and symbolisms, there was nothing.

So, Freaks, I've decided to switch the format up a little bit and bring you a more "philosophical" side to film and horror in particular. We'll share some laughs and certainly criticize the terrible horror movies Netflix has to offer, but we'll also pine to understand the deeper meaning behind the film, its characters, and overall theme. I hope you'll enjoy! Now, let's get on with this week's post, A Christmas Horror Story.

This week's film is brought you by a group of directors that, to be honest, didn't make that bad of a horror film. A Christmas Horror Story is a quartet of holiday themed plots, each revolving around some supernatural or horror element. We first have Santa fighting off a horde of zombified elves (the actually reason for their change is never addressed), then there is a small trio of friends investigating a strange murder in the bowels of a Catholic school, a family of three setting out to find the perfect Christmas tree when their son goes missing, and finally a bickering middle-class white American family having to deal with Krampus, the evil spirit of Christmas.

What is a relatively broad scope in plot and theme is held together by none other (and maybe fittingly) than William Shatner, who plays "Dangerous" Dan, the town's radio host. And this is where my theory comes into play. The whole movie is an allegory for the birth of Jesus Christ.

Say what? Yes, that's right, each story, though seemingly unrelated and concerned with its own supernatural entity is tied to William Shatner's character, and overall, the birth of Christ. Let me explain.

We first get an opening where Santa (George Buza) strides down a stable full of our favorite reindeers. When he turns though, we see that he is bloodied and scarred, showing signs of being in a terrible fight.

He then looks at his watch and announces that, "It's time." This is just before a vicious pounding comes from the stable doors.

"It's time," Santa says. What could that mean? It's time to leave to start his annual journey around the world, certainly. Though it's never stated explicitly in the opening scene we get the idea that it's Christmas Eve. And what else is associated with December 24th and 25th? None other than the birth of Jesus. By Santa stating that "It's time," he's really referring to the Virgin Birth.

"But, Zach, where is the virgin birth in this movie?" you may be asking. Well, that brings me to the next storyline with the trio of friends breaking into the school to investigate a murder.

Molly (Zoe De Grand Maison) and her two friends, Ben (Alex Ozerov) and Dylan (Shannon Kook of The Conjuring fame), sneak into Saint Joseph's Academy in order to shoot for a school assignment. Apparently Molly is also a want-to-be reporter, or something along the lines of Ghost Hunters (because you know, that's the height of television fame), and wants to go all The Blair Witch Project on the school. Two kids were brutally murdered in the basement and Molly wants the story. To her dismay, she can't use the footage the cops took when they first investigated the scene (a video the three kids watch before entering the school), so they have to shoot their own.

When the group gets locked in the basement by some supernatural means they start to feel like they are no longer alone. What is important in this plot arch is the Nativity Scene the group comes across in one of the rooms.

We are then told that the school isn't allowed to openly display the scene anymore for undisclosed reasons (Molly state, "It's the war on Christmas", a slight jab at overzealous Christians). But we have to ask ourselves here, why so much emphasis on the scene? As the movie pushes on the mannequins in the room depicting Joseph, Mary, and the Wise Men are sometimes the focal points of shots, and are always present in the background. Also, take another look at what Molly is wearing. She dons the same cloak that ancient Jews would have worn during the colder months of the year. The same cloak that Mary, the mother of Jesus, would have worn on such a night.

To lend more credence to my theory we must first understand the meaning of the virgin in horror films. It is an abused archetype and at times the object of scrutiny, as in the horror film Cabin in the Woods, but one that is near impossible separate from this genre. Why? From ancient Greece, to Mesopotamia and throughout all cultures the archetype of The Virgin is seen as something pure, untainted, whole. This attribute isn't reserved to the physical state of a woman, but also her mental and spiritual states.

Often times in horror movies The Virgin is the main character and one who survives until the end. That is because the philosophy behind horror films is begging the question of whether or not something pure can survive the onslaught of evil. Oppressed by demons, ghosts, witches, warlocks, or any other evil you can think of is part of the trial for The Virgin. These evils are jealous and enraged by such purity, which is the reason for their attacks.

In A Christmas Horror Story Molly (which is not far from the name, Mary) is presented as such an archetype. Even her friends note her virginity at one point and say the she could be the bride of Christ because of it. Another thing to note at this point is the text that was written on the wall in blood when the police first found the original murdered couple. It is a verse from Isaiah 9:6-7 "For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given." Coincidence? I think not.

Molly's character coupled with the backdrop of the Nativity Scene makes the climax of this plot all the more meaningful when we discover that Molly eventually becomes possessed.

You see, the kids that were murdered in the basement were killed by the ghost of a young girl that wanders the halls. Her story is a sad and tragic tale of becoming pregnant (through means that no one knows) and died trying to abort her baby. Even when we see this girl we notice that she's holding a bloodied and dead baby.

Another thing to note is the age of both the ghost girl and Molly. Though we never get Molly's age she is certainly no older than 17 or 18, and we do get the exact age of the ghost girl, which is 15. And what age do most Biblical scholars believe Mary was when she gave birth to Jesus? That's right, 15 years old.

Wanting to right what was wrong the ghost girl possess Molly and forces her to have sex with Ben. Now granted, my theory waivers a little here since Molly doesn't become pregnant by the means of the Holy Spirit, as is the case of Mary in the Bible, but she does get pregnant through the means of a spirit. Ben, who was a long time admirer of Molly, accepts her advances and as soon as the act is finished Molly snaps out of her possession. And there we have it, the inception of a child the night before Christmas, just as Santa announced at the beginning of the film.

But, we can't stop here with such unsteady evidence. It certainly gets us to the birth of a baby from a Virgin, but where do the other pieces of the story fit in? The Star, God, Wise Men, Herod? Well, let's first look at The Shat and how he is God.

Some of you Trekkies may actually love hearing that, but I'm not here to discuss Captain Kirk. Instead, I'm here to shed light on Shatner's role as "Dangerous" Dan, the town's radio host.

It's interesting that Dan's profession is one that reaches all the people in the town at all times. You could even argue that it's like hearing the voice of God. Radio, as a tool to reach the masses with a single voice, is a symbol here for God speaking. It's a powerful medium and one that is heard often throughout the film.

To give more evidence to the Shatner-God theory, at one point Shatner states that he's going to talk about Jesus because, "it's his birthday tomorrow," something a father would be very excited about. He also doesn't hide his fervor for Christmas, the time of year most closely associated with Jesus. Finally, and probably most profoundly, he is somehow connected to all the storylines, just like God is connected to all people everywhere. Yes, even Santa.

The connects are subtle, but they are there. At one point Shatner holds up a Christmas card with the picture of a family on the front cover. We see that it's the family from one of the other storylines, the one with Krampus which we have yet to get to.

And on the inside:

The first direct connection to one storyline. But notice the girl on the far right in the first picture. Her name is Caprice (Amy Forsyth) and she is the kleptomaniac girlfriend of Dylan, the cameraman for Molly. It wouldn't be unheard of for Grandpa Shat to be over at the family's house when Caprice's friends visit, especially for how small the town seems to be. What's more, is that Shatner's character would most likely know who Molly, Ben, and Dylan are since we know Caprice was supposed to join them on their excursion into the school had not her dad planned a last minute family trip. This means they all must be fairly good friends, as you wouldn't tag along on some horror hunt with people you don't generally associate with. Our second connection.

The third one is subtle though not to be understated. Just before we cut to this scene with the Christmas card we are in the midst of the storyline of the family searching for the perfect Christmas tree when their son goes missing. Well, turns out they find him in the knot of a tree, but he seems different, odd, not altogether himself. Only when they arrive home and he stabs his father's hand with a fork do they think something is horribly wrong.

It's also through this storyline we discover who the father really is. Scott (Adrian Holmes from Elysium, Cabin in the Woods, and Arrow) is the cop from the video Molly and her friends watch just before entering the school to shoot their investigation.

This means that Shatner's character would know this man by the police reports and announcing the terrible news of the murders over the radio. Even Molly knows of him, stating that he took leave shortly after the murder investigation due to stress (something we see him coping poorly with by drinking). Sure, Shatner doesn't know that Scott's son is a Changeling, but he's still connected to their story and is often heard on the radio playing in the background of the family's home. Our third connection.

Our fourth and final connection contains a spoiler so if you intend to watch the movie I would cease reading here and pick up below where the bold asterisk symbol is. For those of you hanging around, here is the fourth connection.

It's pretty easy and clear cut as Santa isn't really Santa. The entire plotline of Santa fighting zombified elves and finally Krampus is nothing more Storman' Norman's delusions. And who is Stormin' Norman? He's none other than the weatherman who works with Shatner in the studio.

He has a mental breakdown at the food drive that is mentioned at the beginning of the film and proceeds to murder all the people in the mall, an event alluded to at one point during Shatner's radio broadcast.

**So there you have it freaks, the long, but solid connections of Shatner to all the characters and stories, just like God. But that still leaves some other character's out, like the Wise Men, Herod, and the famous Star. Well, I've noticed that this post is starting to hit some substantial length and think that it's time we take a break. So, if you'll indulge me, we'll meet back here in a second post of A Christmas Horror Story! See you next time, Freaks!